Manners Go to Middle School

Susan Callender nodded her head to a cafe table on the other side of the plate-glass window at Panera Bread last spring.

At the table sat three school-age girls. They were clearly friends enjoying each others company. One of them sat low in her chair with her feet on the table.

This is what Susan was motioning toward. It made her point. 

Formality has ebbed; and a relaxed, familiarity has risen in its place.

She also talked about how breaches in etiquette have grown, and bullying is more prevalent among younger children.

Especially compared to when she was a second grader at Stanley School in 1971.

Susan was talking about the changes she has witnessed before she met with groups of Stanley School 4th grade boys and girls for about a month.

The Stanley School PTA hired Susan to share the value of being a civil and polite person, said Stanley parent Marianne McDermott. 

"In our day-to-day world the value to ourselves and others of treating each other with dignity and respect is often lost," Marianne said at the time.  "Schools grapple with the challenges of bullying and disrespectful behavior."

By all accounts, the Stanley students responded to Susan's sessions.

Former principal — now assistant superintendent — Pamela Angelakis said recently that the students were engaged in the lessons including role playing.

And they put into practice the lessons they learned in the school's hallways and classrooms.

In many ways the lessons were old-fashioned values such as being courteous, showing respect and facing people and giving them your attention when talking to them.

The lessons were organized to build upon each other. They were defined and came with handouts.

It will be interesting to see if the lessons have staying power, and the students carry them with them to middle school, the assistant superintendent said.

Susan said last spring that her days as a Metco student at Stanley were the best of times.

Later, when she moved on to Shaw Junior High and Swampscott High, that wasn't the case. She experienced bullying and racism.

Her mother helped her through the times, counseling her to take the high road, and remain kind in the face of cruelty.

Each day in her business and life she draws upon the lessons she learned from her mother.

Later, when she decided to pursue a career in etiquette and good manners training for professionals and students she attended school on proper protocol and behavior.

Some of the seeds for starting Oh My Gauche were planted in her earlier positions.

In her catering business she noticed some professionals behaving without consideration for others, failing to RSVP, for one.

For several years, now, she has made it her life's work to reverse the trend of gauche behavior among her clients.

Her business, Oh My Gauche, gives adults and children a manners makeover. The makeover includes lessons in courtesy, posture, dress, self-respect, friendship and interaction.

She endeavors at Oh My Gauche to transform boys from gauche to gentlemen; and girls from gauche to grace.

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