Dare to be Different

One of the great mentors in my life was my local Catholic priest when I was a kid. His constant mantra to youth was “Dare to be Different.” This was during the Eisenhower Administration when every other message from society was to conform. Conformity in dressing, conformity in thinking, conformity in behavior  — those were the hallmarks of the Fifties. That “Dare to be Different,” in other words “Don’t Conform” came from the ultimate representative of the Boston establishment, the local Catholic pastor, was quite remarkable. But Father Bob Boyle was a quite remarkable man.

He came to my parish when I was about 10, an altar boy and student in the newly constructed Catholic school. He was transferred out just after I graduated from the local Catholic university. Those 12 years of close association with Bob Boyle had a profound influence on my life and on hundreds of my peers. He was that kind of guy. Admired and trusted by the town’s youth — Catholics, Protestants, Jews, atheists, … whatever, he was the one adult figure in town that all the tweens, teens and young adults knew and trusted … and learned from him to have the courage to “Dare to be Different”.

“Dare to be Different” means “think for yourself," “be your own person," “say what you mean.” It is the ultimate of self expression. It is what the First Amendment is all about. It is, in essence, the consummate American virtue.

“Dare to be Different” has been my life’s mantra. It was how I ran my business for 30 years. It was embraced by my life partner of over 40 years, the Fabulous Judy as a basic tenet of our marital relationship. It was how we raised our kids, practiced our religion and lived our daily lives.

This past week a group of Swampscott High School students had the courage to “Dare to be Different” and in doing so suffered the scorn of many Patch readers. The scorn was heaped on students, faculty and administrators alike by Swampscott residents who were made “uncomfortable” because they wore “hoodies,” of all things.

Well kids, welcome to the real world. The battle for social justice isn’t easy. Never has! If you want to achieve social justice in this world you’ve got to suffer the slings and arrows of those who are opposed to social justice — the “comfortable” that are made “uncomfortable” by your actions. It doesn’t matter that Bill Belichek is constantly found in one. The fact that you adopted a garment that has suddenly become a symbol of controversy put you in the firing line of the ignorant bigots of this world. If you want to speak out for justice, be prepared to be vilified. Be prepared to have the confidence to “Dare to be Different”.

Father Bob Boyle didn’t just “Talk the Talk”; he also “Walked the Walk." He is one of the heroes of Common Ground, the definitive book by J. Anthony Lucas on the Boston Busing Crisis of the 1970s.

The Boston Catholic Church at the time had a Cardinal who was too timid to take on Boston’s bigoted Irish establishment leaving the clergy of the diocese without guidance on such an important moral issue. In South Boston, in fact, many of the clergy actually preached from the pulpit encouraging open resistance to the Federal Court orders to integrate the public schools, contributing to the terrible violence at South Boston High School. It was so bad that the three national TV News networks had reporting crews constantly stationed in South Boston for years to report on the ugly violence and bigotry that reigned there.

Bob Boyle was named pastor of St. Mary’s Church, one of 3 parishes in Charlestown in 1974. Of the 11 priests assigned to Parish work in Charlestown, only three dared to stand up against the busing protestors — Boyle, Bill Joy and Jack Ward. Their tactic was to focus on public safety, calling for measures to prevent violence and protect school children.

They decided on a division of labor. Joy and Ward took to the streets. Dressed informally they wandered the streets meeting and talking to anyone they could meet. They didn’t proselytize or preach, they listened, for they knew that an hour across a kitchen table with most “Townies” was worth five hours in the pulpit.

Now let me quote Lewis:

“Meanwhile, Bob Boyle dealt with the public sector — the mayor’s office, the police, courts, schools and community groups. Though quietly paving the way for Charlestown’s desegregation, he tried not to take formal positions which would limit his ability to work with Townies of all dispositions. When summoned to testify in June 1975 before the United States Civil Rights Commission he struggled for words to acknowledge the feelings on both sides. “I do not have any absolute answers to the dilemma of our beloved city," he told the commissioners. But he was certain of several things.

Of this I can be sure, that all of us must do what we do not like at times in order to guarantee the rights of others and thereby guarantee our own rights.

Of this I can be sure, that Boston and America are both diverse. That very diversity — if there is not deep, honest conversation and dialogue on all sides — can lead to misunderstanding. Misunderstanding can lead to hostility, hostility to destruction…

Of this I can be sure, we had better prepare for the fall. If ever we the people of Boston are to recite the Lord’s Prayer together — not “my” Father, not ”Dorchester’s” Father, not “Roxbury’s” Father, not “Charlestown’s” Father, but “our” Father – then we better seek love as a solution, non-violence as a solution, quality education as a solution.

And of this I am also certain, that all of us here need the grace and wisdom of God. Our own wisdom has not been sufficient.”

I am convinced that one of the main reasons that Charlestown avoided much of the violence and ugliness that plagued South Boston for years was because three priests “Dared to be Different.”