By Their Words You Shall Know Them.

As a service to Swampscott voters who will be casting a ballot in the Republican Presidential Primary, I offer this guide to the Grossly Outrageous Party candidates arranged in alphabetical order.

GINGRICH, Newton Leroy

"I have six times as many Twitter followers as all the other candidates combined, but it didn't count because if it counted I'd still be a candidate; since I can't be a candidate that can't count." -- Newt Gingrich, complaining that the press was ignoring his prodigious Twitter following, which had numbered over 1.3 million people. More than 90 percent of those followers, however, turned out to be fake -- the result of Gingrich's campaign hiring a firm to boost his follower count by creating dummy accounts en masse. (August 1, 2011)

"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate." -- Newt Gingrich, explaining in 2011 why he cheated on his first two wives. He carried on the first affair while his wife was suffering from cancer, and the second while he was orchestrating Bill Clinton's impeachment. 

"She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of a President. And besides, she has cancer.'" Newt Gingrich, reportedly speaking to a friend in 1980 about why he was divorcing his first wife

"I have two grandchildren -- Maggie is 11, Robert is 9. I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American."

"It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in child laws which are truly stupid…These schools should get rid of unionized janitors, have one master janitor, pay local students to take care of the school." - on abolishing child labor laws

"The idea that a Congressman would be tainted by accepting money from private industry or private sources is essentially a socialist argument."

“If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they don’t have upper body strength. I mean, some do, but they’re relatively rare. On the other hand, men are basically little piglets, you drop them in the ditch, they roll around in it, doesn’t matter, you know. These things are very real. On the other hand, if combat means being on an Aegis-class cruiser managing the computer controls for twelve ships and their rockets, a female may be again dramatically better than a male who gets very, very frustrated sitting in a chair all the time because males are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes.”

"I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract; I think too much."

PAUL, Ronald Ernest

"[It is the] destruction of civilization." –on the end of apartheid in South Africa

"Boy, it sure burns me to have a national holiday for that pro-communist philanderer, Martin Luther King. I voted against this outrage time and time again as a Congressman. What an infamy that Ronald Reagan approved it! We can thank him for our annual Hate Whitey Day."

"[Martin Luther King, Jr.], the FBI files reveal, was not only a world-class adulterer, he also seduced underage girls and boys…And we are supposed to honor this 'Christian minister' and lying socialist satyr with a holiday that puts him on par with George Washington?"

"Order was only restored in L.A. when it came time for the blacks to pick up their welfare checks." –1992 newsletter on the Los Angeles riots following the Rodney King verdict

“Given the inefficiencies of what D.C. laughingly calls the ‘criminal justice system,’ I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal.”

“Opinion polls consistently show that only about 5 percent of blacks have sensible political opinions, i.e. support the free market, individual liberty and the end of welfare and affirmative action.”

"I miss the closet. Homosexuals, not to speak of the rest of society, were far better off when social pressure forced them to hide their activities. They could also not be as promiscuous. Is it any wonder the AIDS epidemic started after they 'came out of the closet,' and started hyper-promiscuous sodomy?"

"[AIDS sufferers] enjoy the attention and pity that comes with being sick." 

"After years of trying to work through the Republican Party both in and out of government, I have reluctantly concluded that my efforts must be carried on outside the Republican Party......I therefore resign my membership in the Republican Party and enclose my membership card." -in 1987

ROMNEY, Willard Mitt

"I'm Wolf Blitzer and yes, that's my real name." —CNN's Wolf Blitzer at the beginning of a November 2011 Republican presidential debate
"I'm Mitt Romney—and yes Wolf, that's also my first name." —his first name is "Willard," and his middle name is "Mitt"

"I like being able to fire people who provide services to me." 

"I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there."

"Who let the dogs out? Who, who." – with a group of African Americans kids at a Martin Luther King Day parade (January 2008)

"You sit down with your attorneys and tell you what you have to do, but obviously the president of the United States has to do what's in the best interest of the United States against a potential threat." --on whether he would consult Congress about invading Iran 

"Well, the question is kind of a non sequitur, if you will. And what I mean by that -- or a null set." --after being asked during a Republican debate whether ii was a mistake to invade Iraq

"We should double Guantanamo!"

"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." --on strapping his dog to the top of the car

“This feels good, being back in Michigan. You know, the trees are the right height. The streets are just right. I like the fact that most of the cars I see are Detroit-made automobiles. I drive a Mustang and a Chevy pickup truck. Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually. And I used to have a Dodge truck, so I used to have all three [Detroit carmakers] covered.” – Mitt’s attempt to “connect” to Michigan auto workers.

“You know it’s very easy to excite the base with incendiary comments. We’ve seen throughout the campaign that if you’re willing to say really outrageous things that are accusatory and attacking President Obama that you’re going to jump up in the polls.” - on what really appeals to Grossly Outrageous Party voters.

"I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love."

SANTORUM, Richard John

“…it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm.” 2002, reacting to priest abuse scandal in Catholic Church.

“Radical feminists have succeeded in undermining the traditional family and convincing women that professional accomplishments are the key to happiness"

“In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."

“[Gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11… We didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?”

"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

"The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn't want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'We're going to decide who are people and who are not people.'"

 "I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money."

“I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims”.

“We have brave men and women who are willing to step forward because they know what’s at stake. They’re willing to sacrifice their lives for this great country. What I’m asking all of you tonight is not to put on a uniform. Put on a bumper sticker. Is it that much to ask? Is it that much to ask to step up and serve your country?”